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As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

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We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

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The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

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My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

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The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Ah just have fun as my friend Mason Waltemath play only free games in your free time.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

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Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

I am not young enough to know everything.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

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TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

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It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

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The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

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Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

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You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

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The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

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The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

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Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

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Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Why don't you write books people can read?

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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Cool, I at last stumbled on a web site about this! I was daydreaming about it this morning and now I locate this site. Coincidence alright. keep going on...

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Aw, it was a very nice post. In idea I'd like to jot down such as this furthermore -- spending time and real effort to make a very good article… however so what can We say… I procrastinate alot by no indicates appear to get something carried out.

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How should i start up a blog website? I recently got a good solid account on Yahoo but don’t see specifically where get started on posting.?

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

The recommendations you discussed here are rather priceless. Rrt had been such an enjoyable surprise to get that awaiting me as i woke up now. They are generally to the point as well as simple to learn. Warm regards for the useful ideas you've got shared in this article.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

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If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

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Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Why don't you write books people can read?

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

I am not young enough to know everything.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

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Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

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I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

SOLUTION::

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

truly

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

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Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Hands down, Apple's app store wins by a mile. It's a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I'm not sure I'd want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

This is the correct blog for anybody who really wants to learn about this particular topic. You understand so much its nearly hard to argue along with you (not that We really might want…HaHa). You certainly put a new spin on the topic thats been written about for years. Great things, just great!

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

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A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

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Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

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Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

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My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

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I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

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Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

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When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

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Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

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In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Great article. Waiting for more.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

Cool post mate.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Great article. Waiting for more.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Your house is valueble for me. Thanks!…

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

An attention-grabbing dialogue is value comment. I think that it's best to write extra on this topic, it won't be a taboo subject however usually persons are not sufficient to talk on such topics. To the next. Cheers

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Great article. Waiting for more.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

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Hi! There is noticeably a bundle to know about this. I assume you made certain nice points in features also.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

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Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

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Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Hi there, please tell us when we will see a follow up!

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I normally don't leave blog comments but your article forced me to, amazing work.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

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The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Over narrow counting culzies no kindnesse.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Yeah, this seems like a legit website

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

The truth is more important than the facts.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Have you considered adding some differing viewings to your article? I think it might enhance everyone's understanding.

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As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

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For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

Kindnesse comes of will.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

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I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

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Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

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They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

He that speaks the things he should not, hears the things he would not.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

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Better good sale, nor good Ale.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Thank you for taking the time to write this!

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Thank you for taking the time to write this!

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I understand how 1 am goes! The kids have begged me to open the lab next week (Saturday) and it plans to be a long one! But what a dream for a teacher. Thanks again for such a great program. It's an honor just to be nominated.

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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

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Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

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I am not young enough to know everything.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

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Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

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